Posted on: April 5th, 2016
Yesterday was like this: I got up at 10 am thinking I would sleep in because I wasn't going to the gym that morning. My son was bathed dressed and fed and all that was left to do was to get myself ready for my afternoon performance. And then it started, the crying, the unwillingness to settle into the bouncer, the endless drop-the-binky,pick-up-the binky and before I knew it, the 5-minute shower turned into a 35-minutes marathon of bathe, soothe baby and repeat. I thought that launching out as an indie artist and sharing my original music was a tough but throw a 4 month old into the mix and it gets tougher---really tough.
It's in these moments I am learning to reevaluate my priorities. Music has been part of my life for as long as I can remember and some of the saddest and most beautiful moments have been marked by a song. Whether it was "At Last" by Etta James at my wedding or "Identity" by Israel Houghton in a season of my life where I struggled to truly believe my uniqueness was worth sharing with the world. And now, I find myself really coming into my own as a musician, discovering my voice and the struggle seems to be so unreal just to get out the door for a gig. All of this to say, I sense a higher call to persevere.
My experience is not unique. All of us, I think, struggle to find the balance between what we ought to do: our responsibilities to our family, community and places of work and what we were born to do: the thing that comes most naturally to us, the place and space where we come off the hamster wheel and hone our craft to leave our mark on the world. Yesterday was definitely a day I felt like giving up and it is in that place many of our dreams and desires, lifelong aspirations and callings----die. So yesterday was tough, it may be that way tomorrow. But the call is to persevere. The call is to not allow the dream inside me---inside you to die. Life will always happen to us. But if we don't impact life with our unique God-given abilities today, where will the innovators of tomorrow draw their aspirations? Who will pass the torch to another generation reminding them that their difficulties are not unique to their generation? Who will let them know that it can be done? Thank God Thomas Edison didn't stop until he found a way to generate electricity. For us all, it might still be lights out.
© 2018 Anakai Ney - Singer Songwriter.